Friday, November 27, 2009

The Protocols of the Elders of Gayism

Your friendly resident farmer has received the following message from Jewish Goose, local representative of the shadowy international cabal of international financiers who provide monetary backing for the farm. I have been instructed to reproduce this eerie communication in full.


Message from Jewish Goose begins:


I am enraged by this Solo Bear.

Not only is he stealing my HTML formatting practices, he is exposing all my secrets.

It is I! I who teach the gays and gayists to howl! I who control the family-busting feminists! (You don't think they can think for themselves do you?) I hate families, I want all happy families to break up! I want everyone to have anal sex! NOW!

Especially teenagers, who must all be made to marry and then divorce and then have anal sex in front of me.

I am enraged because Solo Bear is exposing all my secrets. But how can he know them?

He must have stolen my Protocols of the Elders of Gayism.

He must be punished!

Maybe I can take away his free speech. I will censor him. First I will set up a whole new blog which never existed before, and then I will moderate all his comments to oppress him.

Or maybe I will just shit on his head.

Take that, you unaccompanied ursidae!
[ETA: Complaining Cow informs that the bird's dropping looked too much like a sunny-side up, so we had Designer Donkey revise the picture to less uncertain terms. If it looks like ham and eggs, that's because it *was* ham and eggs pre-digestion.]


  1. We can't let this family-busting bear roam free at all! It's out to either kill or--worse--turn our children into bear-lovers! THEREIN DESTROYING OUR FAMILY VALUEZ!

    Shit on a solo bear, save a child!!!!!

  2. LOL @ mouseover on the graphic.

    Long live the femininigay agenda!

  3. Ah the sweet smell of bullshit - his website makes me foam at the mouth.

  4. Yay long live the feminigay agenda, where everyone is happy, doesn't have to live under bullshit gender norms and everybody has the right over their own body!

    Hurrah for the feminigay agenda!

    - Angry Alpaca

  5. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to donate eggs to the cause and all, but I don't think Jewish Goose should be eating ham.

  6. Unless it's Turkey ham or some analogue variation.... Although, I don't think Poultrygeist would be very happy about the state of affairs if it were the former.

    Just so we're clear, I do not control Jewish Goose's diet, and I swear no barn animals were harmed in the making of this entry! Can't vouch for what JG has done and would do to our less cooperative feral friends...


Please avoid (1) victim-blaming, (2) justifying any particular instance of oppression/exploitation, (3) explaining that we live in a post-feminist/racist/ablist/enter-oppression-here world, or (4) Mansplaining at all. Barn writers are free to moderate their own posts how ever they deem fit, and not obligated to entertain any comment. If you suspect it might seem offensive, don't comment.

(See our note on comments.)